I should have taken that job abroad!
I should have studied something different!
I should have told my boss what I really think of them and their behaviour.
I should have made decisions based on what truly matters instead of simply pursuing the career ladder without reflection.
I should have…we all know the feeling of regret; the bitter rumination of what might have been. Beyond disappointment or frustration, regret contains a person’s belief that a different scenario would have been more satisfying if they had decided differently, accompanied by self-blame for the unfavorable situation they find themselves in. In other words, feeling responsible for it.
Careers and work are particularly strong sources of regret.
Careers and work are particularly strong sources of regret. This is because choices related to one’s career are closely connected to other important domains in life, such as personal fulfilment, status, social relationships, financial security, and many more. But what actually makes a decision a regret? How does a career decision turn into something painful that we carry with us for years and cannot get over?
But what actually makes a decision a regret? How does a career decision turn into something painful that we carry with us for years and cannot get over?
Our study
In our research, we aimed to unpack how precisely career regret develops and which factors contribute to its development. Drawing on reflective data and qualitative interviews with 43 working professionals, we found that regret is rooted in inaction, which refers to a person’s inability and/or lack of acting upon something they perceive as a realized loss.
This was the first important insight, and it differs from what many people tend to believe: regret in careers does not immediately follow the realization of a loss and the belief that a different decision would have led to a better outcome. Instead, what turns a choice into a regret is when people do not act upon it and do not change the situation.
Regret in careers does not immediately follow the realization of a loss and the belief that a different decision would have led to a better outcome. Instead, what turns a choice into a regret is when people do not act upon it and do not change the situation.
We found that moments of inaction occur because individuals believe they lack agency over their career (for instance, due to perceived constraints such as family responsibilities or because they are influenced by others, such as colleagues and supervisors), or because they experience fear (for instance, fear of the consequences of a choice, fear of not being able to fulfil a certain role, or fear of lacking prestige when pursuing a career more aligned with one’s values). Together, these factors can lead people to remain inactive for a long time – sometimes even indefinitely. Importantly, career regret can become chronic when individuals remain in this state of inaction for too long, even if they eventually make a change.
Importantly, career regret can become chronic when individuals remain in this state of inaction for too long, even if they eventually make a change.
How does this play out in practice?
Let’s unpack this with a practical example: Anouk faced two difficult situations in her career. One was related to her initial career choice, and the other occurred later in her career. Anouk had always dreamed of becoming an architect. After high school, she went to architecture school and started working in an architecture office. During that time, she realized that, despite loving beautiful buildings, she did not enjoy the work and its creative limitations, as she often had to adhere to the wishes of clients. Eventually, she quit the job but never regretted it, because she tried it and now knows better. Put differently, the space for imagining other possibilities has narrowed, as she has gained experience and knows better. However, continuing in this career would most likely have led to career regret as she would have followed the predetermined way, which was not in alignment with what truly matters to her. Later in her career, however, she worked as a graphic designer, a job that provided her with more room for creativity. When she was offered a job in New York, she decided against it, despite always having dreamed of going there and developing new skills. She declined the offer because she was afraid that her English would not be good enough. Although she initially felt relieved, she soon realized what she had missed out on. This decision remained a lasting regret.
Why are career regrets different?
Why can a person immediately regret buying the wrong pair of shoes, while in careers, regret is often not the immediate response to a realized loss (e.g., when a career choice goes awry, when a situation does not develop as hoped, or when a person declines an opportunity and later reflects on what they missed)? This is because a career unfolds over time, rather than in a single moment. This makes career choices having broader implications on the individuals’ life. It is therefore, important for individuals to learn to unpack factors that lead to their choice, and become aware which decisions are driven by fear and lack of agency, and lead to inaction. Career inaction does not reflect stalled progress. It occurs when individuals follow a career path without reflection.
Why can a person immediately regret buying the wrong pair of shoes, while in careers, regret is often not the immediate response to a realized loss?
Career inaction does not reflect stalled progress. It occurs when individuals follow a career path without reflection.
Main takeaways
So next time you are facing a career decision and worry it might become a regret, pause and reflect:
Is fear driving this?
Do I feel I lack agency, and is that perception accurate?
Fear and lack of agency should not be the forces that keep you inactive and lead to career regret. In fact, regret is often less about making the right or wrong decision but more about not deciding or not acting at all.
